67: Living a Passionate Life with Pamela Thompson

[00:00:01] Welcome to Work it, Live it, Own it, the show where we empower women entrepreneurs to take charge of their personal and professional lives, balance their passions, and create a life they truly love. This is SaCola Lehr, and whether you're managing your business, a nine-to-five or both, this podcast is your go-to for strategies, stories, and inspiration.

[00:00:25] And now today's episode will inspire you to live your passion without sacrificing your health, body, mind, and spirit. So my question for all of us today is, have you ever wondered how to stay balanced and thrive while chasing your dreams? Well, our guest today has the answers for you.

[00:00:48] Joining us today is Pam Thompson, a transformational leader, speaker, award bestselling author who has lived and worked on five continents supporting women leaders globally and founded Female Wave of Change Canada. Pam is passionate about helping high-achieving women navigate change and uncertainty without burning out.

[00:01:15] And today, she'll share her journey and practical tips with us on how to thrive in every area and aspect of our lives. Thank you, Pam, for joining us on Work it, Live it, Own it today. How are you doing? I'm doing great, SaCola, and I'm excited to be here. Thank you for taking the time out of your schedule to talk with me.

[00:01:37] Now, Pam and I have known each other for a few years, but, and Pam, your story is inspiring and it is really about change. So you have had such a rich and diverse career. You have lived in conflict zones going to founding a global nonprofit.

[00:01:59] So can you share with us what sparked your passion for supporting women leaders and how those experiences actually shaped your focus on holistic health? Well, that's a great question. Supporting, I knew, SaCola, from a very young age that I would travel the world and be of service. And when I was young, I didn't know exactly what that would look like or feel like, but I knew in my bones from about age three or four.

[00:02:27] And then, as you say, my journey went on and I started off actually as a nurse many, many years ago, trained in group and family therapy, always interested in the brain and neuroscience, and then became a health promotion consultant with regional and federal governments, and then ended up working for a management consulting group. And so my focus was big and then followed down, but I always had an interest in people and different cultures, right?

[00:02:56] And so that led me to, when I taught university, I was an academic for a while, and I was really interested in understanding how people stay healthy and asking those kinds of questions from an academic perspective. And also got federal funding for a project, actually, with immigrant women in Canada on women's and family health.

[00:03:17] So I went, I was interested in diverse cultures and backgrounds, focused on women, went in Canada with immigrants, and then I started to work internationally. And what happened is, as I really started to focus on women. I ended up studying to be a life and business coach and launched a business that initially focused on men and women and supporting them through a variety of life transitions.

[00:03:47] And then what happened is, after doing that, helping them through a variety of life transitions, really focused on women. And what about women making a difference? And I guess one of the key things that had me focus on women is, and driven women, I call them mission-driven right now.

[00:04:12] I used to call them high-achieving, which is what my first book is called, Learning to Dance with Life, A Guide for High-Achieving Women. Because I realized that women in particular often give more than they receive and do more than they be. And I started to realize a lot of my coaching clients were getting younger and younger and burning out at younger and younger ages. And I felt really called to do something about that.

[00:04:35] And so then I launched Staying Healthy in Body, Mind, and Spirit While Living Your Passion, which was a group coaching program. And I found it was very effective in helping women to feel that they weren't alone and also give them tips on how to be a high-achieving woman without burning out, basically. So there was a long and winding different journey. And it's taking me to different parts of the world.

[00:05:02] Well, at the end of the day, I really feel called to work with women because they are the glue that holds families together. And they're also the ones that teach children and other family members to stay healthy. They're the ones that teach a lot of positive health behaviors. And so that was another reason for me to focus on women. I love how you had this passion and purpose and you niched it down a little bit as you went along.

[00:05:29] And now you're focusing on helping women who are considered high achievers, right? Because we do tend to be the nurturers, the nucleus of the family. And we give and give and give so much. And before you know it, that cup is empty and we have nothing in reserve for ourselves.

[00:05:51] So Pam, what was a personal turning point for you and how were you able to redefine success for yourself when it came to burnout? It was December of 2012, Sokola. I was just feeling so tired. I'd been working for this national, actually international nonprofit that promotes women's and children's rights around the world.

[00:06:17] And I started that position about six weeks after coming back from living and working in Afghanistan for 13 months. I thought it would take time off. And then the vice president of this organization approached me and said, Pam, we have this position for a senior health advisor in Asia and Africa to reduce infant and maternal mortality. Anyway, and I said, I won't do it. And she told me about it. And I thought, I feel so aligned with their mission, vision, and values. This is something that I feel I want to do at this point in my life.

[00:06:47] So I negotiated a contract rather than doing a position and I signed it for a year and the scope started to creep. As you may know as a consultant, Sokola and others out there, oftentimes we sign up and there's certain things that are within the scope and then the scope increases. Anyway, in this case, the scope increased and I ended up being senior health advisor on seven projects in Asia and Africa to reduce infant and maternal mortality.

[00:07:16] Plus, I ended up sharing a multi-stakeholder working group of four non-profits that had a million dollars from the Canadian International Development Agency to evaluate the combined impact of our projects in these multiple countries in Asia and Africa. It was huge. It was huge. And initially, I was to be a member of that technical working group. And initially, I was to only have five countries. Anyway, I was apparently the only one who could do it.

[00:07:43] So at the end of the day, the contract was almost up and they asked me to extend. And they asked me to extend only to chair the multi-stakeholder working group, which really on its own was a full-time position, part-time for six months. And I almost signed Sokola and then I asked to sleep on the decision. And I woke up and I felt just like a lemon that had been squeezed dry. And I knew in my heart that I had to say no.

[00:08:11] So it's a pretty scary thing to do to say no to a contract for six months. And so I got up and I got in touch with the VP and the director I was working with and said, thank you so much for the opportunity, but I've decided to turn it down. And they were shocked. They said, Pam, why? And I said, because I want to create more balance in my life. At that point, Sokola had no idea what that meant, what that was going to look like. However, I knew in my bones that that was what I had to do.

[00:08:40] And so I started 2013, no work on my plate. And I slept 10, 12, 13 hours a day. I was just so exhausted. I reconnected with family and friends because I've been traveling a lot for the previous two years. I studied mindfulness. And I kept doing my yoga, which I had been doing, and then really focused down on doing meditation as well. And after about four months, I was still really tired. So I went to a naturopath.

[00:09:09] And the naturopath gave me some homeopathic meds. And I started to get my energy back. And then what happened in May of 2013, I had been wanting to write a book for a long time, Sokola. And I ended up, you may have heard of Christine Closer. She's an amazing publisher and supporter of authors.

[00:09:30] And I attended her Transformational Author Experience, which was a 10-day session with multiple authors from different genres, literary agents, from traditional and non-traditional publishing. And at the end of that, I got off that last webinar. And I felt like these puzzle pieces of my life all came together.

[00:09:50] And then I also got the seven keys to what I call creative living, seven keys to consciously cultivating improved health, happiness, fulfillment, and inner peace in your life. And that's when I started to coach high-achieving women in a group and also one-on-one. And yeah, and the rest is history, I guess as they say. It took off. It took off. Yes. Yes.

[00:10:13] I am inspired by your journey because in each phase of your journey that you've talked about so far, it has been about not knowing or figuring everything out. You didn't know exactly what it meant, but you were in tuned and you were aware when it did happen that that was the path that you were going on. And I think for high-achieving women, I know for myself, you feel like you've got to have everything figured out.

[00:10:42] You got to know the how and the step to figure everything out. And it causes more stress on you when you're trying to figure all these steps out, but just enjoying the process along the way. Which leads me to my next question for you, Pam. You created the Art of Change framework.

[00:11:04] Now, can you walk us through this five-step process on how it can help women navigate transitions gracefully? I'd be pleased to do that. So, what I know to be true, and there's a lot of evidence out there to support it, is that when we resist change, it has negative impacts on our bodies, our minds, our relationships, and our bottom lines or other people's bottom lines we work for.

[00:11:30] And so, this framework enables people to embrace change versus resist it. So, they will be healthier and happier on many levels. So, the first stage, and I should say that it makes change more fun than scary, because we are physiologically hardwired to fear change.

[00:11:53] So, the idea is that it is based on the metaphor that life is in dance and underpinned by the belief that embracing change is a creative process that opens us up to new possibilities. If you feel that, if you say that, notice your body feels so different than when you say, I'm scared of change, I fear it, right? It's like, ah, embracing change is a creative process that opens me up to new possibilities. And so, step one is shine the light.

[00:12:21] And this is when you assess yourself on a scale from one to ten in terms of how you typically respond to change. One being scares me to death, and ten being I thrive on it. And what I found is a lot of women, in particular, it's also useful for men, just so you know, rate themselves, if they're leaders, quite highly, like nine and ten, when I ask that first question.

[00:12:48] But then I say, think about a particular situation where you had no control, and that change of transition came to you out of the blue. It could be you got a pink slip, and you were right-sized, lovely word, right-sized, right? Or your partner came home one day and said, I'm not in love with you anymore, I want a divorce. Like things that just totally shock you come out of the blue.

[00:13:12] And then you rate yourself, again, on a scale from one to ten in terms of how that feels typically when it's a change that comes out of the blue. And most people, if they're fairly high, or even if they're, you know, seven or six or whatever the first time, go down quite a bit. Like a leader who typically would rate themselves a nine or a ten often go down to a five or a six. Because a change that comes out of the blue, we have no control over.

[00:13:36] But if we choose a change or transition, like we decide to move to a new place and take a new position, we're all excited. Chances are it'll be different, right? So anyway, so the first step is, is shine the light. And this is also really helpful in groups and organizations. Because if you're a team lead or a senior manager and you have a team and you're starting a change, it's really helpful to have people do this and have them share openly. And then ask, how can we support you through this change?

[00:14:05] Because if you're lower on the scale, it's not about making you feel bad. It's just, it is how you typically respond based on a lot of stuff and experiences in your past, right? And so how can we support you? So you have that opportunity to share and discuss before you enter into that change process. Okay, so shine the light. Choose your transition. In this model, as with many models, it's really important to focus on just one transition. So you might be moving and you might be starting a new job.

[00:14:33] But it's really important to just focus on one at a time and parse them off. So, and in this, so you choose your transition. You will also choose where you are on what I call it, the transition journey. And based on research from a man called William Bridges, sadly he's passed, an organizational theorist who, based on over 30 years of working in organizations with people and individuals,

[00:15:02] identified that regardless of the transition, we go through three distinct phases. An ending, a neutral zone, and a new beginning. And each phase has particular work associated with it. And if we do not do the work, Sokola, we end up repeating the same patterns in our lives and often feeling unhappy and unfulfilled. Hence, someone who has been in a relationship, they might have been married three, four, or five times. And what often happens is they reach a stage where they're not happy, so they move on.

[00:15:32] And what happens is because they haven't taken the time between relationships to focus on who they are and what they truly want, they keep choosing partners and replating the same issues in their lives over and over again. So this way, this model really helps us to go inside ourselves. And so anyway, so you've got share the light, choose your dance, which is choose the transition and part of the transition that you're on. And then yield the rhythm and learn the steps.

[00:16:01] And that's when you actually feel the change in your body. So I process it to help people get out of their heads and into their bodies. You feel the change and you also, you start moving toward and doing the work associated with the phase of the transition you're in. And often people are in ending stages when they work with me, for example. So something's happened and it was either they didn't plan it or they planned it, but it's still scary. And they're in the air taking the leaf. So part of the ending is to let go.

[00:16:31] Let it go of status. You might have had an excellent job and you were right-sized. And you might have had a company credit card, a vehicle. You had a title that you could feel really good about when you shared at cocktail parties or whatever. And then all of a sudden you don't have it anymore. So consciously identify the things that you need to let go of. And also identify lessons you've learned.

[00:16:58] If you've been working in an organization, for example, that's very competitive and you realized it didn't work for you, you realize moving forward, you want to work with one that's truly collaborative and values high-performing teams and teamwork over the individual and the individual's performance, for example, right? Right? So, okay. So, and then the second phase is the neutral zone. And that's you've taken a leap. You're in the air. You've done those other two things that I mentioned.

[00:17:24] And you envision that new position of your dreams, that new life of your dreams, that new relationship of your dreams. And you can do a vision board and you feel what you're going to feel like when you're actually there and you've achieved it. And then the third phase, the new beginning, is when you identify and create a plan to move toward that vision that you've created in that second phase. So the ending, the neutral zone, and the new beginning with different work associated with each phase.

[00:17:53] So then feel the rhythm and the learning of the steps. Practice, practice, practice. You keep doing those different phases that you are in. And finally, the last one is share your dance with the world. Consciously share your dance with the world because when you embrace change, people around you can feel it and see it and say, wow, were you ever brave to do that? Right? And then it's a ripple, causes a ripple within your family, your community, your workplace, and it ripples out to the world.

[00:18:23] So anyway, in a nutshell, that's my five-step art of change framework. So it's shine the light, choose your dance, feel the rhythm and learn the steps, practice, practice, practice, and share, consciously share your dance with the world. I love that.

[00:18:40] And the thing I think where most women, even men, is that we have to get out of our own headspace because our brains are wired to keep us safe and to avoid change if at all possible.

[00:18:58] But you also said something so profound, and I was talking to someone about this earlier this week, is that if we are unhappy, we're unsatisfied with the things that are happening in our lives. We all make choices, right? But if you are unhappy with the choices that you make, then it's time to make new choices. Because otherwise, you're going to keep repeating that same cycle and that same loop. So again, it's a dance. If you liken it to a dance, and I love that.

[00:19:27] One of my passions is dancing. So you learn, like you say, you learn that rhythm. And you have to go through that and be able to practice that in order that new change that's coming about. You can't just say, oh, yes, I'm going to do this and not work on it and not hone it and not perfect it or become this craft. And you do. Your light will start to shine. And other people will see it.

[00:19:56] Some may not accept it, but some will and embrace it. And that's a part of life. So thank you for sharing that five-step process with us. Welcome. Now, to get to know a little bit more about you, Pam, what would you say is one of your daily habits that you swear by for maintaining balance? Before I have a regular morning practice.

[00:20:22] And the first thing I do that's part of that, Sekola, is I meditate. And I have a number of meditations on my phone. So I end up plugging in to one of those meditations. And I find the ones from Deepak Chopra and Oprah. They did a number of 21-day meditations. And I have a lot of those on my phone. So I plug in and I meditate for 18 to 20 minutes.

[00:20:46] And I like those because there's a theme for each session and each 21-day session as well that is broken down. And there's beautiful nature sounds, you know, water bubbling, birds singing. I love nature. So that's the first thing that I do. And I used to get out of bed and hit the ground running. I used to be really driven. And when I had kids that were younger, you know, you got everybody ready for school and whatever.

[00:21:14] But now, for many years now, I can't remember exactly when I started meditating. I do that before I get out of bed. And it is so powerful. It's really helped me get into my body and ground myself and start my day on a very positive note. And I like the fact that even if you are a mom, for our listeners out there,

[00:21:38] sometimes it may take us waking up a little bit earlier before the kids get up to do that mindfulness practice to pour into ourselves. Because as women, we tend to think about, okay, what does my family need? What do I need to do for work today? But we also need to think about what we need to fill our cup. And so if that means we got to wake up a little bit earlier, 10 to 15 minutes earlier to do that, it's well worth it to start your day off right.

[00:22:08] Not on the phone, not checking emails, investing and pouring into yourself. Pam, another question I wanted to ask you is if you could give yourself, your younger self, one piece of advice about navigating life and career, what would it be? That's a great question, Sekula.

[00:22:29] I would say always listen to and trust in your body's wisdom because your body always knows the truth. And other people in your head often does not. I love that. Listen to our bodies and trust what it's telling us. And you are a bestselling author, Pam.

[00:22:54] Is there a book or resource that every woman leader should read or explore? Well, I'd recommend my book, Learning to Dance with Life, A Guide for High Achieving Women, Sekula, because it actually made number one when I launched it in 2015. And the seven keys to creative living and the actual strategies within it, I think are very helpful to high achieving women.

[00:23:22] And I also, as part of that process, interviewed high achieving women from three continents to identify key attributes. And a lot of people don't think they're high achieving, but when they read my book, they realize, I do give more than receive. I do do more than be. I am quite a perfectionist. Whatever, you know? And so you don't have to have all the attributes, but most people have at least five.

[00:23:48] So I think it's enlightening for people to realize, oh my goodness, I actually am a high achieving woman. I didn't think I was. And you don't have to be head of an organization or, you know, you can be just a leader in your home and your family or community and always responsible for so many others and putting them before yourself. Yes. Well, Pam, I want to thank you so much for sharing your valuable insights today from navigating change

[00:24:14] with your art of change framework to practical tips for staying healthy in body, mind, and spirit and navigating that process of change. It's clear that thriving while pursuing your passion is not only possible, but deeply rewarding if we invest in ourselves and take a chance on ourselves. And if you, our listeners out there today, love today's conversation, make sure that you check out Pamela's books, Learning to Dance with Life,

[00:24:44] and the Exploits of Minerva, as well as her incredible resources at pamela-thompson.com. That's pamela-thompson.com. And remember, this show is all about empowering women like you. And if you found value in this episode, I love for you to download, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear this message.

[00:25:11] Together, we can inspire more women to work it, live it, own it in their everyday lives. So stay tuned for our next episode. And you're not going to want to miss that because we're going to dive a little bit more deeper on how we can practice work-life harmony. Until next time, everyone, take care. Bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you.